Tinned Trump

There is a town in the south of England called Lewes, which every year on Bonfire Night burns an effigy of the least popular personality of the last 12 months. Previous victims in recent years (or maybe that's the wrong word, as generally they deserve it) have included Osama Bin Laden, Colonel Gaddafi, Bush and Blair, Cameron and Clegg, the Pope (perhaps unfair), Angela Merkel (definitely unfair) and Jimmy Savile (yep, fair enough).

This year, while a return for David Cameron would have been justified, and Nigel Farage must have been fairly high up on the list, clearly there was one candidate who was way ahead of the competition, who I doubt needs any introduction - one Donald J. Trump Esq.

While it was tempting to create an effigy of him to burn myself at home, sadly I have very limited outdoor space, so that would potentially have been somewhat dangerous.

Instead, I decided to create an image of Trump in the only way I saw fit - with tinned foods, based on an idea I had seen in a vintage SPAM cookbook that I'd bought off eBay for "Funny Faces", made out of the famous tinned luncheon meat to amuse the children.

I won't bother you with anything so rigid as a recipe, but if you take a tin of SPAM, another of Heinz Spaghetti, one of fruit cocktail and final one of prunes, then slice, chop and arrange them creatively on a plate (being sure to use as much of the orangey spaghetti sauce as possible for maximum fake-tan effect), you get something along the lines of the following:

Not particularly life-like, I admit - he's far less attractive than this - but it wasn't a bad attempt. It had been a chilly day though, so I didn't really want a cold dinner. There was only one thing for it therefore - stick Trump in the microwave:

As satisfying as it was to nuke Trump (let's face it, he'd be more than willing to do the same, so it makes sense to hit the button first) the two minutes he spent in my microwave didn't really make a huge difference, apart from slightly crisping up his ears. Cutting into his face with a knife and fork was strangely satisfying though.

As to the taste, usually I don't mind SPAM, spaghetti, or any kind of tinned fruit. On this occasion though, they did seem to leave somewhat of a bitter flavour in my mouth. Can't imagine why.

Without doubt, one of the most disgusting things I have ever had the misfortune to behold. The meal was also quite unpleasant. Haha! So, given the chance, this definitely wouldn't get my vote. I can only hope the good people of the USA feel the same way. If not, come tomorrow it may be time to stock up on tinned food and retreat to the nearest bunker as soon as possible...